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In Search of a Parenting "Guarantee"

October 31, 2018

Excerpted from Born To Wander: Recovering the Value of our Pilgrim Identity (Moody Publishers, 2018) by Hearts Alive contributing writer Michelle Van Loon

Our world at times is coarse, confusing, terrifying, and dangerous. (It is also beautiful.) Most of us feel powerless when we read the headlines or watch the news. Too often, our lives and communities are affected by decisions made somewhere else by people we’ve never met. There are wars and rumors of wars, natural disasters, and the simmering uncertainty of when a radicalized, bomb-wearing individual might decide to detonate themselves in the middle of a sporting event.  

I recognize the yearning to escape from it all. The desire to protect our children amplifies those concerns. I’ve felt the longing to shield my kids and to hide my family from the big, bad world. Our responsibility as parents is to do all we can to protect our kids from harm as we seek to disciple them in the way of Jesus. Love for them and for the One who gave them to us compels us to do both.  

Not long ago, I ran into Annie. We had both home schooled our kids during the 1990’s, sharing enrichment classes, field trips, and curriculum tips as we journeyed together. At our recent reunion, we traded notes about what our adult children were doing. She observed that few of the kids we knew back in the day were coloring in the lines their parents had drawn for them when they were young. A fair percentage of them had chosen to pursue a different lifestyle or partner than their parents planned for them. Some were no longer walking with Christ. With great sadness, Annie told me she’d assumed homeschooling would give her a button she could push in her children’s lives to ensure they’d always stay on the straight and narrow. As they’d become adults and begun making their own decisions, she was shocked to discover there was no button.  

Jesus chastised the Pharisees for building their lives around the idea of a button—a formula that would guarantee a happy outcome. There is nothing new under the sun. Whether it’s a strict lifestyle designed to keep the world at bay or innocuous- sounding messages or books that promise “Seven Steps to a Happy Marriage” or “How You Can Have a Winning Family,” the notion of a formula is a lure for most of us. Our formulas reflect a sense that a God-honoring life will require extra effort.  

But these “outside in” remedies fall short of God’s purpose for us. There are no shortcuts, or sure-fire guarantees. He desires us to be holy, and that process can only happen from the inside out—in each one of us as individuals, and among all of us who are walking the narrow road with Jesus day by day. Born to Wander will be available on July 3. You can order here.

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